Keeping up on Instagram - Why I struggle to post content I’ve worked hard to shoot

Years ago I wrote a blog post on why being a hoarder sucks. I'm terrible at getting rid of things with sentimental value or pretty much anything as I'm definitely a 'just in case' girl. I've realised lately that I'm also terrible at 'getting rid' of photos. I've recently got a new phone and the pain of transferring photos to one iPhone to the other when you've exceeded your icloud limit is simply mind-numbing. As I scroll on a Sunday night to see which ones I'd like to post I discover at least 20 outfit pictures that I haven't posted. 

It got me thinking as to why I haven't, and the answer is very simple. Judgement. I'm scared of the judgement that comes with posting online. 

There's loads of factors that this comes down to...

My physical appearance. Whether that be my body, my face, my hair. I'm no Victoria Secrets model, far from it. In fact, I will never be a Victoria Secrets model because I will never be a size 6. I'm also not made of money, so my roots are often growing through. And my face, well my teeth are a little wonky (despite having braces for four years - but that's another story!) and my skin is far from perfect, I'm no make-up artist to cover it like a Kardashian either. Trolls are a breed of person I will never understand. But the fear that they might 'pop up' and comment on the factors above concerns me. However, that doesn't mean I can't cope if they 'attacked'. I just don't know whether I'm prepared to deal with it in the first place. I often think to myself that if I want to reach the goals and aspirations I have to jump over this barrier of fear and that's taken some learning.

Trolls don't just come from strangers. This fear comes from people I knew in my past too. I've seen examples of mocking from people that I was never friends with, and who I don't particularly like. None of this has been directed at me, but I've witnessed it of others I used to know. Why do you get to pass judgement on what I enjoy doing? Is that because your boring 9-5 doesn't fulfil you? And actually you have hang ups just like me? Pretty likely.

This sounds silly as it's something out of my control, but you don't know where these things can take you and you don't know who specifically might end up reading your blog/whatever profile you're sharing. It might take five months or it might take five years or it might be that you never see that success. The possibility is there though. Making a good impression in those five seconds that someone virtually meets you still counts, just like it does in person.

The fashion industry is a competitive one. 'That' Vogue article that criticised bloggers is a clear example. We live in a virtual world and certainly a throw away society now. Fashion is constantly changing, it always has. But, it's even more apparent now in the throw away culture as everything is so accessible. Not only is there pressure to be on top of the trends. There's so many fashion influencers in the world now that I'm a very small fish in an incredibly large pond. As mentioned above, I don't fit in to the fashion stereotype. Body image is changing and companies like Simply Be standing outside LFW are making waves slowly but surely. However, there's still a long way to go. 

And now for the REALLY stupid bit. I worry that if I post something people are going to copy, but being an 'influencer' (not that I am at all) you're trying to encourage people to buy the clothes you've worn. The reality is people still have access to the same things I do. The trend will filter down eventually. I can take all the photos in the world but at the end of the day if I don't post someone will 'get there first' anyway.

So there you have it. There's my explanation of why my Instagram ends up in a state of radio silence for a while. If I lose my momentum and confidence it's hard to get back. Time does play a factor, but that's an easy excuse. Here's a raw example of the reality that instagrammers go through on a daily basis. Mine even less raw than some I imagine.




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