'New Year, New Me' What a load of BS.

As the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve. I didn’t feel elated with a 'wipe the slate clean' attitude. I entered the new year with dread and fear. Another year of being in the adult world of crap. Where every day seems to be a slight uphill struggle in one way or another. 

I know you may look at my Instagram feed and think - she has everything. Why the bloody hell is she moaning? That's right, I have a lot. And I'm very lucky to have got to where I've got to. I haven't got there without multiple knockbacks, disappointment and dropping negativity on the way. In my eyes, there's still a long way to go from achieving my dreams. 

Yes, I’m being miserable. Yes, I’m being a pessimist. And yes, I know my years aren’t THAT bad. There are people far better off and far worse off than me. I’ve had some cracking times and I know those times will come again. But what a new year does bring is uncertainty. Uncertainty in so many forms. And for an anxiety-ridden control freak like me, that simply doesn’t mix very well. 

Adult life leaves me in a permanent state of limbo. Am I on the right path? Everyone else seems to have their lives together - why don’t I? How does everyone have their houses so tidy and organised? Can I buy just one more item of clothing? Will I have all my family around the Christmas table next year? The answer is no one really knows. We’re all just bumbling along in an overpopulated, dirty world where we’re all pretty unkind to each other. With our fingers and toes crossed that some of those fears don't come reality. 

Social media is full of the positive parts of someone's life and the amount of 2018 roundups I saw made me feel quite shite. I had a message from a follower who said she appreciated the fact I asked my Instagram followers whether they wanted to see my 2018 highlights - 63% said no. For that exact reason. 

Don't get me wrong, you should celebrate what you've achieved. For you personally, you've made massive steps. I just think sharing it so widely causes panic in others. Especially just before a New Year.

I used to see the new year as a challenge to get through things I haven’t yet achieved. It's 100% a chance to start something new and it's logical. For me, I don't think you need a brand new year to make changes to your life that no longer make you happy, to start something new and take on new challenges. 

I try to take a step back and think why haven't I achieved those things? Maybe because I'm not actually meant to be doing them? Or maybe not right now? I used to put far too much pressure on myself to reach those goals in an incredibly short space of time. 

I walked into 2018 last year with big dreams, some of which I achieved. But most I didn't - large and small. Those that I did manage to tick off the list didn't happen until halfway through the year. My point being, that January is bloody miserable and setting unreachable resolutions adds even more pressure to yourself than your empty bank balance, your little-bloated tummy and the dark mornings.

We live in a world where everything is instant, but you can't build Rome in a day. Or something like that! Something that I have to remind myself on the daily. To slow down. Whatever is meant to be, will be (sometimes) and sometimes it needs a little push. 

Flipping your mindset for goals rather than resolutions is the way forward. But also setting yourself up for failure and not expecting to be able to get to those goals in six months. It might take six years, it might never happen. But you have to try. 

We enter into the new year, still us. Still the same. Just with more wrinkles, perhaps a little podgier than the previous year or even fitter than we were before. The most important part of leaving each year with a lot more knowledge than what we had before. 

That's the culprit of the fear, time. And the lack of it. 'The New Year, New Me' is covering up that fear. Yes, setting a resolution might make you feel like you're on track. But it's a negative word. A resolution tends to be something we want to stop rather than begin. But teach yourself that your goals can be long term. You don't have to follow the sheep. You don't have to get yourself to the gym (no matter how many social media ads you might see!). You can learn something new. That's not going to transform you as a person. It's going to add another cool story to your book. But none of this needs to happen in January. Write that bucket list and write those goals. Cool off from the pressure and let your productivity run when it wants to run.

This is a reminder that you're doing great and don't let other people's goals put you off of yours.'New Year, New Me' doesn't exist. You are you forever and it's learning to accept who you are and what you do. Whilst making little changes to make you feel like you're your best version.  

Here's something to lighten the mood...

Image result for new year new me meme

Sophie x

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